The Assam Rape Festival In India Begins This Week

Now satire, or humor, has no limits. But dragging down
to mud a whole nation shall be seriously fumed upon.
And that too a country that’s facing serious rape
issues. That’s like unlocking new insensitivity levels.
You have to have fictional names for the places and
characters you’re putting down in your satire, and
‘Assam’ and ‘India’ surface on “a little too specific”.
Here’s the entire post that went viral on several public
forums:
Men in India are already beginning to
celebrate as the annual Assam Rape
Festival is just days away. Every non-
married girl age 7-16 will have the chance
to flee to safety or get raped.
Madhuban Ahluwalia who heads up the
annual festival told reporters why the event
is so important. “This is a long time
tradition in Assam dating back thousands of
years,” says Ahluwalia. “We rape the evil
demons out of the girls, otherwise they will
cheat on us and we will be forced to kill
them. So it is necessary for everyone.”
The Assam Festival began in 43 BC when
Baalkrishan Tamil Nadu raped everyone in
his village of Doomdooma. Baalkrishan
Tamil Nadu is remembered every year at
this event, in fact the trophy given to the
man with the most rapes is called “The
Baalkrishan”.
24-year-old Harikrishna Majumdar told
reporters that he has been training all year
for this event. “I’m going to get the most
rapes this year. I’ve been practicing all
year. I rape my sister and her friends every
day. I will be rape superstar number one! I
will get the Baalkrishan prize this year for
sure!”
12-year-old Jaitashri Majumdar told
reporters she almost made it through last
year’s festival without getting raped. “I
came so close to not getting raped. I almost
got to the ‘rape-free-zone’ at the edge of
town, but at the last minute 9 men jumped
on me and raped me. Luckily I am just
recovering now so I can participate in this
year’s events, otherwise I would be put to
death by stoning.”
34-year-old Brian Barnett from Toronto
who is visiting Assam on business told
reporters he will be missing the festivities
this year. “My company did not tell me
anything about a rape festival happening
while I was here. Are you serious, a rape
festival? I’m getting the f*ck out of this
backwards country tonight.”
India is second in reported rapes in the
world only behind the United States, though
critics are quick to point out that is only
because most rapes in India